Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
