do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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