I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
