Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
