Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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