By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
