Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
