Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
