I don't usually arrange sex via text message
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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