those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
