I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
