you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
