She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
