she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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