Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
