Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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