that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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