Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
