So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we're so committed to being not committed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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