I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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