we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
