I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
