just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
