oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
