I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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