uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
