He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize
