There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
