How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
