the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
