I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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