not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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