and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
