y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
