how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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