I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
