She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
