I puked a lego.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
