This is not my ceiling
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
