The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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