I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
