I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
