Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
