New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
