i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
