My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
