accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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