in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i think i just lost a toe
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
