im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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