Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
