you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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