Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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