I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
