I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
